iknewhim | Fanart-inspired smutlog

Fanart-inspired smutlog

It had started gently, and with a seemingly off-handed statement from Bucky as many things did these days. The statement in question had been: "I'm not going to up and bolt if you touch me, Rogers." Names were something he had trouble with even still, though not as much as he had at the beginning. That first statement had turned into nearly an hour of making out on the couch, interrupted by Sam bringing dinner by because Steve hadn't answered his phone.

It had happened again a few days later, and again the week after that. It had continued to happen now and again, apparently at random -in that there was nothing apparent to trigger it except Bucky deciding he wanted the contact- and even though Bucky instigated it, usually by statement and on one recent occasion by simply dragging Steve down into a kiss, it was always Steve that ended up leading.

Until now. It wasn't that he was pulling away, if he had Bucky would have let it go, but he had gone passive to the point of frustration and Bucky finally drew back, brow furrowed, studying Steve intently, "What's wrong?"

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The first make-out session was quite the surprise. Steve didn't expect Bucky to suddenly goad him into it but he was more than happy to go through with it. He noticed, over the next few times, that while the other man did instigate, he only followed Steve's lead after that. He was worried that was a remnant from Hydra ordering him around all the time.

He wanted Bucky to be able to make decisions for himself and really he just wanted him to be more comfortable with being his own person. Sometimes, they meant giving as good as he got in the make-out and bedroom departments.

So the next time that Bucky instigated, he responded but only in reciprocating. He didn't push for more. He didn't encourage anything. He just kissed Bucky like he was being kissed and tilted his head slightly at the question. "What do you mean?"

It was partly waiting for instructions, and partly not wanting to hurt Steve, especially by accident, and especially not at a time like that. Steve leading gave Bucky the parameters he needed, the boundaries he knew not to overstep.

Which was why this oddly passive Steve confused him, he wasn't entirely sure how far he was allowed to go, and the question in response to a question just made it worse, "Am I doing something wrong?" He clarified after a moment, brow furrowed.

He figured there was more to Bucky letting him lead than Bucky just wanting him to take the reins on this. Steve just wanted to make sure he was choosing to be the more submissive of the two versus just accepting it.

"No," he replied honestly, quirking an eyebrow. Steve waited for a second and then said, "Why? Am I doing something wrong?" He already knew the answer but well, he wanted to hear it from Bucky if he could figure it out.

"Stop doing that." He said, dragging a hand up over his face and through his hair, "You can't keep answering questions with questions, it doesn't work." He drew back, wedging himself into the corner of the couch between the arm and the back as he often did, "If you don't want to you could just say so, Rogers." That was a sure sign that he was aggravated, Steve was only ever 'Rogers' -the same as anyone else was a surname- when Bucky was upset over something.

He wasn't upset over this, not yet, but frustration had definitely replaced whatever desire he'd been feeling before, or had at least overtaken it for the time being.

He sighed when he heard the use of his last name and he knew that he upset the other man now but he was trying to do this without an awkward conversation. Apparently it was unavoidable now and he shook his head, "That's not it at all, Bucky. I do want to." He gestured downward at himself and his obvious interest in what they were doing.

"I just... thought I would give you the chance to be in charge."

That wasn't a response, or the reasoning, he'd expected, and as such it was enough to diffuse some of that frustration, a little. He shook his head, "I don't want to."

Realizing that more words were probably a good thing here he tried to find the right ones and ended up just sighing in aggravation again, both hands sliding up over his face and through his hair, curling there for a moment, trying to use the tension against his scalp to help clear his head a little, finally managing: "How am I supposed to know what to do if I don't know where the limits are?"

Steve opened his mouth to respond to the first statement because he wanted to know why. It was one thing if he was doing it because he liked Steve in charge and it felt good, but if he was having uncertainties about what to do in that situation that was different. He stayed quiet to listen to the rest of what the man said.

"By trusting me to tell you if you go far," he replied simply. "You know what feels good right? You know what doesn't. You just have to learn. It's different for everyone but using yourself as an example is a good place to start."

One hand, the left, was still curled tight in his hair, even though the other one had dropped to his lap, he had to look at Steve while he explained or Steve wouldn't get it, or worse, he would but he wouldn't really understand, not the way Bucky needed him to, "I don't want..." He started, though stopped himself, brow furrowing and trying: "I can't..." But that wasn't right either, and finally, a little more quietly he said: "I'll hurt you."

Because that was the real problem, he knew just how strong he was, and could only see how fragile Steve was, though not as much as he had been once upon a time, and how easily he could forget and do some serious damage. It was a fear that had cropped up once or twice even with Steve taking the reins, but he'd always managed to squash it before, not so now.

He did understand what the other man's hang-ups were with regards to them. Steve knew what it felt like to feel too strong for your partner. It was weird to have a super-soldier's strength. All Bucky had done in the last seventy years was hurt people with his strength. Steve could see how he might be afraid of the same thing happening again now.

"You won't hurt me, Buck," Steve reassured him with a shake of his head. "You won't. I"m sturdy, okay? And I like it a little rough anyway. It'll work out. If we give it a try and you're still not comfortable, you don't have to do it again."

Liking it rough was probably the wrong thing to admit to him just yet, but Bucky just filed that information away, not entirely sure he liked the implications, but not going to worry about it, for now.

His right hand lifted to hook two fingers in Steve's shirt collar even as the left one dropped from his own hair, apparently he was planning on just not using it, given as how it rested against the edge of the couch beside him as he used his fingers in Steve's collar to tug the other man into another kiss.

In Steve's eyes, it was what the other man need to hear. He trusted Bucky with everything. He always did and always would. There was nothing wrong with liking to feel every once in awhile during sex.

This was a good start. Steve was more than happy to be dragged forward into a kiss but in exchange, he reached out for Bucky's metal hand and pulled it in his direction. Yes, he wanted the other man to take the reigns here but he also wanted to encourage him to use it. There was no sense in going one handed if he had two to use. Otherwise, all he did was match Bucky's kiss and lean into him.

His brow creased, just a little, not entirely sure what to do with that particular touch, and still not quite sure what to do with this new, more passive Steve.

Some small corner of his mind remembered that he'd usually been the one to take the lead before, that was just how he'd been, not necessarily when it came to Steve, but in general.

His fingers twitched against Steve's gentle hold, while the hand that had been caught in Steve's collar slid around to thread through his hair, tugging him just a little closer so that he could deepen that kiss more easily, even despite the half-awkward position with Bucky himself still wedged back against the corner of the couch.

The position was definitely a little awkward but Steve was doing his best not to act like it and go along with what Bucky wanted from this. It didn't necessarily have to be how it used to be when it was mostly the other man in charge. He just knew that it was something that he wanted to encourage in case something clicked again.

He was half-draped across the man's lap when Bucky pulled him closer in for a kiss and Steve was more than happy to provide. It meant a lot to him that the man didn't just rabbit. He could have time and time again but he stayed which meant the world to Steve.

With Steve's weight against him it was a little easier to proceed, even though Steve wasn't crowding him or pinning him really it was easier for Bucky to relax even despite the awkward position. His fingers curled, scratching gently against Steve's scalp as he deepened the kiss, still a little hesitant, but Steve had been right with reminding Bucky that he knew what felt good, and that was a good place to start.

There was another brief pause before he turned his head, just a little, enough so that he could catch Steve's lower lip between his teeth, not biting, yet, just holding, giving a gentle, almost teasing tug before delving into the kiss again a little more hungrily.

He knew from the get go that this was going to be an exercise in patience. Bucky was going to take time to feel comfortable and figure out what to do. He was okay with it. Steve trusted the other man. He just needed to wait a little until he trusted himself.

Steve groaned appreciatively at the nipping but it was the kiss he really liked, returning it just as hungrily. It might not be a perfect mirror that time but Bucky initiated it and he was encouraging. This was wonderful.

The sound, and returning the kiss were both the best kind of encouragement, the kind that didn't have anything to do with 'I trust you' or 'you can do this', but that non-verbal, 'that feels good', unable-to-keep-quiet response was probably the best thing Steve could have done just then whether he knew it or not.

He did, finally, angle his head down a little, brow resting against Steve's, having to break the kiss just so he could catch his breath again, realizing belatedly that his fingers had curled against the nape of Steve's neck, not letting up, though he did relax his grasp once he realized, murmuring a quiet: "Sorry, too hard?"

Steve was too busy kissing Bucky to say anything verbally and he could more than free himself from the other man if there was some kind of problem. There wasn't, not at all, this was great.

He panted slightly once the kiss was broken and they were resting against one another, just existing. Steve blinked slightly and realized what the other man was asking him, he hadn't even noticed in all honesty. "No, it was fine," he shrugged. "I barely noticed. Felt good."

"Okay." It was all he had to say at the moment, shifting the angle of his arm so that he could run his fingers through the hair at Steve's nape, brow furrowing as he scratched delicately there, as if to convince himself that he could and that the scratching didn't have to turn into anything else.

It was going to take more than a few minutes of heavy petting on the couch to really convince him of that, but it was a start if nothing else. He shifted, pushing himself a little higher on the arm of the couch so that he could worm his hand between them -the right, still using the left as little as possible- so that he could tug at the hem of Steve's shirt, "Off."

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Fanart-inspired smutlog

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